And The Oscar Goes To...

Last night was the first time I ever watched the Academy Awards from beginning to end. When I was younger, I wanted to watch it but I wasn't allowed to see most of the movies that were nominated. Plus it was over way past my bedtime.

I couldn't even stay up for the year Titanic won, and at that time it was the only movie I had ever seen nominated at the Academy Awards. However, Leonardo DiCaprio didn't even show up that year, so I wasn't missing much.

Watching last night, I could not recall another time where I had been so bored. I don't dislike Ellen. The few times I've tuned into her show, I've laughed a little. Her standup is alright. But she was just trying way too hard last night. Did she really need to have Steven Speilberg take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood in order to get some laughs? Did she really have to almost vacuum up Penelope Cruz's beautiful gown for entertainment?

Although if she did, Penelope definitely would have kicked her ass. That would have at least woken us up.

Personally, I thought the three minutes Jerry Seinfeld was on stage presenting an award was much funnier than her entire performance. How come no one asked him?

There seemed to be endless montages of foreign films, music compilations, good editing, deceased actors, and other honorees. They gave countless awards to categories like best sound editing or best art. Really, the best way to watch these are to make sure you're doing something else. Reading a book. Hanging out with friends. Or, best case scenario, look them up online the next day.

It also didn't help that there were no surprises. Everyone who was predicted to win, won. The one moment that almost, almost, made it worth watching was when Martin Scorsese won. He definitely deserved that award. Besides that, everything seemed to go smoothly. This is probably the dream of the coordinators, but we at least want to see someone trip or something. Remember the year Kim Basinger won for Best Supporting Actress? She was in the bathroom when they called her name, so Robin Williams jumped on the stage and started doing something hilarious, as usual. At least that was something for people to talk about the next day. The year after that, they had Basinger present with toilet paper on the bottom of her dress. I'm sure all the third graders watching got a kick out of that.

This year Helen Mirren's earring fell off on her way to the stage. I was on the edge of my seat.

I think what they should do with the Oscars is only show the very beginning, and then the awards real people actually care about: best actor/actress, best supporting actor/actress, best director and best picture. I'm sure for the people in the movie industry, they get all aflutter over best cinematography or best animated short, but the "little people" out here just don't give a damn. They can sit through every category, montage and bad joke, but please spare us the torture.